Anastrazole hates me. That is all for now.

Guest Blogger - The Hubby Tells All (or at least some)

Alright Lady Bloggers (& Paul), my sweet hubby went out on a limb here and shared his feelings (gasp!) with all of you so that maybe you could share it with your hubby or someone who is going through IF and might need a little company.   Show him a little love.  He'll be writing more very soon because he didn't really get to write much of anything he really wanted to write about.....how well we all know that feeling!  It's what keeps us coming back.  

So, without further delay, meet my fella, Rik.  

I love this man.

*********************************************************************************

This article is geared towards guys who are going through the non-fertility experience.  My wife and I have been going through it for a while now, and she has asked me to write some thoughts from my perspective on the whole deal.  Not really sure where this will end up, by the way, but maybe something here will be useful.

First, I'd like to share a quick story.  My wife, Shannon, had to face one of her biggest fears very recently.  Namely, exploratory surgery on her girl parts (laparoscopy and hysteroscopy - Google them).  Yep, she was freaked out about it for at least 4 days prior (probably more, but she kept it bottled up pretty well if so) and we went through countless "what if" scenarios.  My job was to convince her that no, her abdomen will not explode and that yes, I will definitely still find her very attractive after it's all said and done.  But, to be honest, some of her fears gave me a little spook as well (although I kept that to myself).

So, anyway, after a few sleepless nights, we found ourselves sitting in the waiting room.  She was fully decked out in her hospital gown and kick-@ss hospital socks, kicked back in the chair and waiting to be taken back.  This was big. She was certainly terrified.  Terrified of being put to sleep. Terrified of what they might find - or, actually, what they might NOT find.  We wanted endometriosis to be in there because that would mean there was hope for us to get knocked up, and that it was the endo that was the culprit.  But still, this was big and pretty scary for her (and, ok, I was nervous as well).

In my mind, I figured she'd freak out when they came to take her back, throw some punches around, latch on to the arms of the chair and just refuse to go.  This idea couldn't have been farther from the truth.  She stood up when they came in, made some sort of joke about walking the halls with her backside exposed, smiled really big, kissed me as she walked by and said "See ya later."  That was it.  That was that.  Off she went.

Surgery was supposed to take between 30 to 90 minutes, tops.  I was prepared for this.  What I wasn't prepared for was the phone call I got from the Operating Room.  It had been a while since she'd gone back there, so I thought this was the call saying she was in the recovery room.  Nope.  This was a call to say, "Hey there this is Nurse Suchensuch from the OR...just wanted to give you a quick call...to let you know that it's taking longer than expected...due to poor visibility."  Poor visibility. Poor visibility?  So I asked the nurse, "Poor visibility?"  She said yes.  "What causes that?" "Hold on" she said, and put her hand over the phone.

I heard muffled voices and then she came back to restate, word for word, what she had already told me.  This concerned me.  I said, "Okay" and we hung up.  And now the mind starts racing.  You know that feeling you get when you know you're being lied to?  Yep.  Had that feeling.  Actually, I knew she had just lied to me, because why would she call to tell me something so meaningless?  I interpreted it to mean, "Hey, things are not at all what we planned for down here, and the doctor is still working and yes, your wife is still alive, we think, but we have some problems down here that we didn't expect and hopefully, if all goes well, neither you nor she will know the difference."  Not good. (By the way, she WAS lying to me. The reason it was taking so long was due to way more endo than the Doctor had expected, as well as some on an ovary...which makes it pretty serious. Poor visibility, my @ss).

For the next 45 minutes, I admit to you that I was scared.  What if she dies? Never considered that. What if they have to take out her ovaries? Never considered that.  What if she doesn't make it out of the OR?  I don't sit around at home on rainy days and think about these types of what-ifs, but a couple what-ifs were currently kicking my @ss in that waiting room.

Thankfully, the doctor came in a little later and first words out of her mouth were "She's ok."  I don't remember much of what she said to me from that point, but it involved photos and some pretty crazy stuff.  Truth be told, I was pretty shaken up.  Didn't expect that. Not at all.

And so, here are two points I'd like to make.  First, my wife is much more brave than I could have ever imagined.  Second, I'm not as bullet proof as I once thought.  What do these two points mean?  I don't know, probably, but I think recognizing both points are crucial to "the guy's portion" of the non-fertility process/experience/mind-bomb.

I have made progress on sharing my thoughts and feelings on things with Shannon, even though there is still room for growth.  But, recognizing and acknowledging to my wife that I am impressed how brave she has been through this whole cluster, and that she is showing strength that is truly admirable, can make a huge difference.  Think about it - think about how many different times you have said to yourself, "Man, I'm glad I'm a guy."  Women definitely got the short end of the stick, but they really, really, really, really get the short end of the stick (actually, make that the "sharp" end of the stick) in this whole non-fertility thing.  All we have to do is make sure we get as much as possible into the cup.  Damn, I'm glad I'm a guy.

To the second point (I ain't bullet proof), it probably is important to avoid the whole Macho Man Randy Savage (RIP) approach.  You can't bulldoze your way through this.  You can't put on that stone face and hit the mute button.  You need to acknowledge, to your wife/pincushion, that you aren't immune to the left field emotions that crop up during this stuff.

Combining these two points will bring you and your wife closer together in that she is getting stronger and you are getting...well...more open to being, well, less of a robot, I guess.  At any rate, it will help you both feel like a stronger team in this, and it does make it easier - on BOTH of you.  You still have to man-up and pick her up when she's freaked or worried or emotional or just pissed off at you in general.

Now that this article is ending, I had a ton of other things to say but...it is what it is.  Good luck and go kill some rabbits! (that means go get her pregnant, by the way).

- Rik

TVT BVD TTC

       

                          

• The advent of the spoon MUST have coincided with the development of making and eating jellies and jams on bread.  There is no other thing in this world that spreads jelly better than a spoon.  And don't challenge me on this because then I'll have to spoon you.
• Having laparoscopic surgery jacks you up for weeks.  They should give you pain pills, sleepy-time pills and then a healthy dose of laxatives. (I'd take those last two at different times of the day.)
• I think I wanna open up my etsy shop and actually sell things in it.  Who needs some wine charms or dangly beaded earrings?  Maybe I could send the supplies to someone else and then I can have them make me stuff?
• I'm wearing my hubbys "lucky" brand underwear and they are super cute.  They have little clovers on them and are super soft.  Maybe they'll bring me luck! 
• Yesterday, a guy I work with was on a call w/ a medical provider and decided it would be funny to tell them to hold on and pretend to have a conversation in spanish with a client that had walked in.  This is odd b/c this guy doesn't know spanish very well at all, there wasn't a client anywhere upstairs with us and he was being this ignorant to one of our customers.  I wonder why he has his job sometimes.  He was so proud of how funny he thought he had been.  We were all livid.
• Baxter Bagwell has the raunchiest booty you have ever smelled but also has the cutest little howl that he does for 20 minutes after you get home from work.  Melts your hair with one and your heart with the other!
• Rik wrote his first blog post.  :)  I will be posting it tomorrow!  
• Looks like I'll start my new medicine in a few days!
• Wedding this weekend for Rik's brother and his long time girlfriend.  I can't wait for the wedding!  I made her wedding cake topper and it looks great!  (Pics to come)
• It has been so cold here today.  Like, really cold.
• I'm going to bed b/c I am barely getting this post out before I fall asleeeep!

Thankful for all of you and wish you all lots of happiness this weekend!!

I know how this looks.....but I can explain!

****Mom, if you're reading this, please stop now and go back to Facebook.****

****Rik, you too.  I don't want you to be embarrassed (of me, not for me).****

If you're reading this post, you probably already know I had surgery last week to see if I had endometriosis and while they were down there, they also did a hysteroscopy and a tiny biopsy.   I ended up with four small incisions on my abdomen, each one probably half an inch long.  

Yesterday, I noticed my lower, left incision was a little inflamed and slightly angry.  I had some burning sensations and it was more sore than it had been the previous few days.  When I felt of it, it felt like a really hard lump had formed underneath the skin and it really grossed freaked me out.  So, I did what any smart, resourceful person would do and Google'd "lump under laparoscopic incision".  This resulted in me calling my RE's office lickety-split.  The four options that were bestowed upon me were: hernia, hematoma, infection, scar tissue.

I left the nurse a message about my lump, trying to remember to also leave the 64 pieces of personal information they require with each and every message.  After a half an hour or so, Nurse Rachel called me back and wanted to ask a few additional questions.  I got up, crossed my office and pushed the door almost closed for a little privacy.  ("The Man" doesn't like us to close our office doors and cell phones are frowned upon in the establishment - but this was serious, so I broke the rules.)  The conversation went like this:

                  Me: Hi Rachel!  Thank you for calling me back so quickly!

                  R: You're welcome, what's going on?

                  Me: Well, I have this lump thing that has formed under my left incision.

                  R: It is painful?

                  Me: Yes, more than it was yesterday and Monday.

                  R: It is oozing any kind of fluid?

                  Me (a little woozily): No, I don't think so.  Let me check.

So, being in a dress and all, I turned my back to the door (such a lady), stood behind my chair and pulled my dress up to check.

                  Me: No, it's not oozy.

                  R: Ok, is there a fever to it?  Is it hot?

                 

I hiked up my dress again to feel with the back of my hand, then decided I'd better compare that feeling to how the other side felt.  So, I put the phone between my shoulder and my ear so I could use both hands.  I couldn't tell a huge difference, so I went back and forth a few times rather quickly to compare.  Naturally, I was a little bent over so I could see, hold the phone AND feel my incisions for signs of "fever".

It was exactly at this point that I realized if any of the attorneys or, God forbid, my male boss walked in, they would see me from the back, with both hands up my dress, moving one of my arms back and forth rather quickly, hunched over, whispering into the phone and it would look exactly like I was pleasuring myself.

I don't think I've ever moved so fast in my life.

I removed my hands, released my dress and turned around to face the door in about .0000000000002 seconds.  

                  Me: Nope, no fever, all good!  I think we're good!

                 

Ugh....You just have NO idea the relief I feel that no one made an appearance in my office during those brief minutes when I was NOT pleasuring myself.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO US!

Three years ago today, I married the best man in the world.  

I am the luckiest girl ever.

THREE YEARS AND COUNTING!!!!  

Happy anniversary to my wonderful husband!!!

I'm immature....but you've probably already figured that out.

**For the record, this could definitely qualify as TVT, but since it's Monday, we'll just go with it!**

So, my brother and I have an interesting relationship.  We tease each other mercilessly and can be downright ridiculous when we are together.  I realllly wish blogger would let me upload the video I have of our Minute To Win It contest....but I digress.  This weekend, I decided since he hadn't checked on me since my surgery, I'd be a stinker and get even with him for forgetting not caring about me.  I sent him a pic text of the picture the doctor gave us which showed my left ovary with all of the endometrium fluid on it and said, "I hope you never look at chocolate syrup the same way again!"  Immature?  Yes.  Unladylike? Definitely.  Disgusting? Naturally.  Super Awesome?  HECK YES!  He wrote me back hours later and said, "OMG, Shannon, that just made my knees weak."  SCORE!

Come to think of it, he never did ask me if I was ok.  Thank goodness he has a wife that takes care of... well, caring for his family.  I sent her the pic too and told her my left ovary is the one that hates mac n cheese, NOT me.  I am no longer at fault there.  She wasn't very sympathetic to that....

I've ALSO decided that it's my left ovary that doesn't like doing laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, paying bills OR exercising lately.  It was diseased people!  It's not my fault...or at least it wasn't...now I guess it will be my fault again.  Crap.  Note to self: Find some other piece of yourself to blame for the above (or lack thereof).  It seems to be a reasonable detractor of attention from the entire self.

In other news, it appears we'll probably jump right back on the ART wagon - and I don't mean the traveling Dali & Van Gogh Scratch & Dent wagon.  I'm talking Assisted Reproductive Technology!  We're going to get right back to doing our 3rd IUI (since our last one was cancelled at the old clinic b/c they missed our ovulation period).  The (new and fantastic) doc said this is a prime baby making environment so...let's do it.  Why waste another month?  We just tossed two out the window w/ the bath water by first, relying on our previous RE to do a good job and failing and second, by having to take a month off for my surgery.  I'm just hoping that the endometriosis is our last hurdle before sprinting (or waddling) towards the finish line.  Since it's about that time, I guess I'll be starting Clomid again in about a 7-10 days.  I'm ready.  Let's do this (with assistance, in a clinic, on a table, in the stirrups)!!!

Also coming up, I'm going to have my first guest blogger ever....and I hope you all are over-the-moon excited about it!  It is none other than my wonderful, fantastic, amazingly gorgeous and sensitive husband, Rik!  He is a fantastic writer and I'm hoping once he gets a little taste of this blogging biz, he'll start his own about dealing w/ infertility.  He's such an insightful person.  I'm hoping he'll have something for me to post within the next week.  Any ideas for topics or should I just give him a free pass to say whatever he wants to say (could get interesting)?  I'll leave it up to you gals & guy (love ya, Paul!).

I will close by posting my all-time favorite picture of me and my best friend in the whole wide world.  This was taken this spring when we had a few snow storms blow through and it warms my heart every time I look at this photo.  It's framed on my mantle so I see it a lot.  He's such a good boy!

Chance & Mommy

Later,

Shannon

Maple Flavored Coffee

Maple Coffee

Add enough water/coffee to your maker to make 4-6 cups of coffee

Add 1/2 Cup of Maple Syrup in the bottom of your coffee pot

Brew your coffee

Stir the coffee and the syrup together in the pot

Pour your coffee

*Add creamer*

Add large amounts of whipped cream to your coffee mug

ENJOY!

(*creamer is optional, I just like hazelnut in my maple coffee*)

HAPPY FALL!

Main Vein...where were you at when I needed you?!

So, I looked down at my hands earlier and what do I see?  I lovely, thick, straight, fat vein on the top of my hand.  All I could do was shake my head...

See, the other day I had two fears going into surgery.  1.) Having an IV put in, and 2.) Being catheterized.  You already know about what happened after the surgery when I almost had to get catheterized and my life flashed before my very eyes.  But I don't know if I told you about the IV debacle.

We had an awesome nurse.  I mean, AWESOME.  She was so awesome, she sat in the floor cross-legged to help me put on my support hose.  She also "shopped" for a vein for about ten minutes because she was trying to find and work up the best vein she could find in my arms.  She rubbed, smacked, massaged, squeezed, and did everything but beg my veins to cooperate.

See, the problem was that I wasn't allowed to have anything to drink after midnight the night before the surgery AND I'm a nervous pee-er thus resulting in me being very dehydrated by two o'clock in the afternoon.  My veins were like those styrofoam noodle things they use at P.F. Changs in their Lettuce Wraps.

After "shopping" for what seemed like HOURS, and me getting woozy from her rubbing up and down on my veins, Kristi, the awesome nurse, finally decided there was nothing she could do but use the vein located outside the crook of my elbow.  Yep, the outside of the elbow....

Luckily, they used a 22 gauge needle (nothing else would have fit anyway) so it could have been a lot worse.  It hurt like hades.  The worse part was that when she stuck me, I apparently decided to expel half the blood that was in that arm, all over myself and the blanket she had wrapped around me.  I didn't KNOW this was happening though, thank the good LORD (I faint) but I did look down and see a bunch of alcohol wipes soaked in blood where she had tried to stop it/soak it up a little.  I gave myself whiplash I looked away so fast.  According to Rik, he was trying to stay calm (and did a great job of it) but was a little panicked trying to figure out a way to get her more towels without alarming me of the situation.  haha...  Such a sweetie.

I didn't realize that I had bled that badly until they took the blanket away from me in the OR and I saw the big blood stain that was the size of a bowling ball.  Thank goodness I was laying down when I saw that.

I just can't believe right now, I have these beautiful, pulsating veins in my hands begging to be stuck and filled with cool, nutrient-rich electrolytes and yet they were no where to be found a few days ago!   Where were you guys on Tuesday?  I mean really?

Here's a cute picture to wrap this pointless post up.....because it just makes me happy.    

Arrrrriiiibbbbbaaaaaaaa!!!!

Playa del Carmen, Mexico

2007

Thought Vomit Thursday! (All the cool kids are doing it)

This is my first Thought Vomit Thursday....I hope I do it justice! 

• I took my belly button ring out for the first time in 13 years (for any extended period of time anyway) and am not sure I'll put it back in.  I've only left it in this long because it's so friggin weird when I look down at my stomach without it in.  Somehow, I've convinced myself that even though it's SOOOO 90's, it makes me look less pudgy in that area if I have jewelry sparkling back up at me.

• Men's leather jackets with the elastic waist bands are really the ugliest things I think I've ever seen on a man.  Especially the ones that look like they have shoulder pads in them.  If your hubby, father, brother or son wears one of these, please stop the madness.  Although it is an effective means of birth control.  Especially if paired with a mullet and a single gold chain.

• I'm pretty sure my husband feels like he is married to a geriatric.  Poor fella.  I have five prescription bottles on the nightstand and three more stashed in my purse.  Add to that the fact that he has to help me change my pants lately and viola!  I'm two steps away from an assisted living facility.

• Rik went back to work this morning and was dressed like a 1950's debonaire man of the night.  He looked gorgeous and all I could do was drool on myself through the lortab.  I think I managed to tell him I love him and mutter something about the tie he was wearing (I bought it for him recently).  It probably felt great for him to get out of the "House of Ill Repute" (I'm a trampy infertile, remember?) and be around healthy, uncut human beings.   

• My mom came over Tuesday night after my surgery and brought me a goodie package!  Six or seven smutty books (the kind that take no thought and turn your mind to mush), two pairs of UBER soft pj's, and two pairs of socks-one of which I refuse to take off even though it's been more than two days, they are that amazingly soft.  I'm pretty sure these socks have gotten me through the past three days.  So, note to you guys....buy Champion ankle socks with the arch support, it's like wearing little pieces of heaven on your footsies.

• I literally just broke up a dog fight between Baxter Bagwell and Chance.  Probably not good for my stitches and definitely not good for my three fingernails that are now bent backwards and bleeding.  grrrr.....  Can't we all just get along?

• I have a drinking problem.  Currently, I am working on a bottle of water, a cup of sweet tea, an IBC Cream Soda and a half empty mug of coffee.  I never finish anything, just keep adding to my stockpile.  I have no idea why I do this.  It's a very bizarre habit.

• My tummy is doing much better today.  No more bleeding and the swelling has gone down considerably.  The left side is still swollen since that's the side where the cyst was, but over all, it looks and feels much better. The incisions just itch now, which is good because that means it's healing!  Yay!  Now, let's hope this results in a seriously clean, comfy, posh environment for our little rascal to take up residence next month.  Maybe we are dealing with high maintenance sperm and eggs?  Maybe my 3 star uterus just wasn't going to cut it for them but now that we've remodeled and have the all inclusive 5 star resort (and spa) waiting for their arrival, they'll find it to their liking and stick around a while.  It's possible right?  Who wouldn't wanna stay at a place like......Paradise Womb....or The Isle of Conception?  Yeah...hmm....well, we'll work on the name.

Ok, that's all I've got for now.  Hub just made me some cheese quesadillas so I'm going to get busy making them history.  

Till next time,

Shannon

Infertility Survey - New spin on the old "Get To Know Your Friends" Survey

1. Name of the future mommy to be?: Shannon

2. Name of the future daddy to be?: Rik

3. How long has the future parents been together/married?: 6 years together, 3 years married next week.

4. When did you start trying to conceive?: February 2009

5. What is the hardest part of T.T.C?:  The emotional rollercoaster ride. Hoping, hoping, hoping and then failing month after month.  Dealing with people asking us when we're going to have kids ALL the time.  People telling me to "relax" when I know all the relaxing in the world won't help.

6. What does the future mommy want to have?:  A healthy baby to hold, snuggle, love and raise.  

7. What does the future daddy want to have?: He just said he doesn't care at this point, he just wants a child.  

8. Is there a certain month or season you’d like to have the baby in?: I used to think winter so I wouldn't be hugely pregnant during the summer, but at this point, I'd be pregnant through three summers if that's what it took.  :)

9. What are you looking forward to most when you finally conceive? Seeing my husbands face when he meets our baby for the first time, little hands, little feet, knowing we're a family, snuggling and playing, tickle fights, vacations, all the firsts that come with having a baby, loving him/her,  being someone's everything just because, diaper booty, toddler giggles... everything. 

10. What has been the best thing about the T.T.C. process? overcoming my fears, knowing I have so much support from my husband, improved communication in our marriage, learning and appreciating what a miracle having a child really is.

11. Pick out any names yet, for when the big day comes?:  Boy names are easy but girl names are always hard for me.  We have a few narrowed down and we talk about this quite a bit.  We are always throwing out possibilities.

12. Any certain reason for choosing those names? With a last name like ours, it's been tough finding names that go with it.  Our boys middle name will be the same as Rik's best friend.  

13. Do you know what T.T.C. stands for?: Telephone The Chinese?  Duh...

14. What things do you do to check for when your fertile?: Pay attention to my body, Ovulation Predictor Kits, and on treatment months, scans and trigger shots take the guesswork out of it.

15.Do you use Ovulation Tests? Yep.  Some months we do. 

16. What does the future daddy do to help you with T.T.C. process: My husband is amazing.  He goes to every appointment with me.  He brings his own list of questions to the appointments, he researches things, is incredibly supportive and protective and honestly, I could never have made it through this without his love and support.  He truly is amazing.  We've had our downs like anyone else, but he has put his own disappointment aside so many times just to help me through mine.  I owe my sanity to him at this point.

17. How long do you plan on continuing the T.T.C process?: Originally, one more IUI but now that I've had surgery and a new RE backing us up, we may give it a few more tries.  The others were futile attempts, these next few wouldn't be in our opinion.  

18. Will you consider In-Vitro or any other type of Infertility medicine?: I do not believe we'll go through IVF.  We'll try it all up to that point and mostly have already, but we won't spend that kind of money on a "maybe".  We'll spend it on a sure thing and start the adoption process.  I'd be just as happy mothering an orphan and making a difference in their lives as I would be having my own.  I'll be sad not to experience pregnancy, but thrilled to be a mommy.  If this doesn't work, I'll have no "what if's" and I'll be ok with moving on.  We would have given it a good shot.

19. Have you had your pre-conceiving physical?: Yes.

20.How many children would you like to have?: Two or three.  Either naturally or via adoption.  That's still unchanged.

21.Have you started buying some baby stuff?: When I first found out I was pregnant in 2009, I bought a picture frame that was not only the colors I wanted to do a nursery in but also vintage baseball themed.  That's always been how I want to decorate my little boy's nursery.

22.Any books that you’ve read that have been helpful?: A Few Good Eggs for me, How To Make Love To A Plastic Cup & Daddy's Pregnant Too for Rik.

23.Is your family and friends supportive of deciding to T.T.C.?: Yes, very supportive.  I haven't told that many family members about our journey, but I've told several friends who have gone through this themselves or people I just really trust and rely on.  It's been invaluable having them around during the hard times.

24. Have you made any BIG changes in your life to help you conceive? We've cut back on our spending, tried to reduce the stress in our lives, I've cut back on the social drinking and we've eliminated vacations and things that aren't mandatory so that we could save money.  

25.Have you abstained from alcohol and drugs? I've never been a drug user but have almost eliminated drinking from my life entirely.  On occasion I'll have a glass of wine, but that's about it.

26.So if you unfortunately do not conceive, then what?: Adoption, all the way.

27.Are you healthy enough to be pregnant?: Depends on your definition.  I'm in good shape, healthy...but obviously something is wrong since we aren't conceiving.

28.Do you really think your ready to be a parent?: Without a doubt in my mind.  I have 9 nieces, nephews and god-children.  Tons of love to give and I think I'd be good at it.  As for Rik, he's going to make the most amazing Daddy and some kiddo is going to be insanely lucky to have him as their father.

29.Any advice for other woman out there T.T.C.?: Educate yourself.  Learn as much as you can about the process regardless of what it is.  If your doctor tells you something, ask questions until you understand completely. Make your own recommendations and don't settle for anything until you're satisfied.  Find a support group or develop your own support system.  I can't stress how important this is.  Pray.  Be considerate of your spouse and his/her feelings.  They are T.T.C as well.

Thank you to my new blogger friend, M for sharing this survey with us.  Check out her answers!  It's crazy how similar our answers to these questions are.  :)  I had to try and change mine up a little so it didn't sound like I plagiarized! 

This Must Be What Jesus Felt Like....

Tess, Baxter Bagwell and Chance

Surrounded by trusting, adoring and concerned faces.  My flock is tending me, instead of me tending my flock.  Still, opening my eyes to three furry faces ready for just a touch of my hand made me feel pretty awesome this morning.  I love my dogs.

I'm recovering on the couch today.  My surgery was yesterday and although I was a nervous wreck, I was still pretty excited to find out the results.  I had a laparoscopy and a hysteroscopy, both for diagnostic reasons.  I went in dreading a few things (catheter and IV) but also looking forward to waking up and having several things checked or marked off our "reasons we're infertile" list.  I wasn't disappointed.

I had moderate endometriosis.  Dr. S said it's classed as either mild, moderate or severe.  Strangely enough, I was thrilled that I'm not severe or mild for two very different reasons.  If it was just mild endo, it may not have been a contributing factor of our infertility and honestly, I wanted and needed it to be a contributing factor so we could get it fixed and I'd have more hope.  I know that sounds bananas, but hey....I am a little bananas at this point.  If the endo had been severe, it may have meant we were stuck in a situation that wasn't easily worked around and well, you get the point.  It wouldn't have been good on any level.

With mine being a moderate case, I feel good about it because Dr. S was able to clean everything out and she feels positive about it being a big cause of our problems.   It may not be the only problem, but it's a good possibility.  She said it will definitely help w/ the pain I've had during my period and getting it all cleaned up could help us in the conception department as well.  She said I'm in tip-top shape right now so the conditions for conceiving are pretty perfect.  That made my heart sing...very off key, but I sang nonetheless.  

I also had a cyst on my left ovary that she was able to remove and cauterize the area to prevent it from coming back.  I don't know how my former RE missed this, but somehow, he did.  Have I mentioned how happy I am that we switched to a new RE?  Have I mentioned how disenchanted I was with my former clinic?  Yes, yes I have.  If you missed it, click here.  

Dr. S called today to ask how I was feeling and to check in.  We had a pretty bad scare last night because my bladder wouldn't "wake up" and I was about to burst.  Imagine how you feel after a really long ride in a car when you were younger and your dad wouldn't stop because he told you to go before you left.  Yeah, that was what I felt and could do nothing about it.  

The on-call doctor from the clinic told me I needed to go to the ER and have them catheterize me and drain my bladder.   That is seriously my BIGGEST fear.  Seriously.  It sounds barbaric to me. Being cathetered (is that a word?) while completely awake.  I shudder now just thinking about it.  Anyway, I bargained my way into trying again after thirty minutes and I must have scared my bladder to death because I was able to pee a little bit.  Then nothing.  So, Rik decided it was time to go to the hospital.  I may or may not have pitched an absolute fit complete with crying, throwing things and stomping my way out the door.  If I could have laid down easily and kicked my feet (without assistance), I would have.

We were about 20 minutes into the drive when I finally told Rik I had to try again at the next station b/c I felt like I was about to die I had to go so badly.  He stopped and I dragged myself in and had what I would consider a success.  It was good enough for us, so we came back home to continue pep-talking my bladder into cooperating.  It worked.  Thank the Lord!

Boy, did I just go off on a tangent or what?  Where was I?  Oh!  Dr. S called....

She was glad to hear I was up moving around with ease, glad my bladder was cooperating, glad she was able to clean everything up and overall, just a very glad doctor.  I really love her and I am so thankful God led us to her door.  I feel like in the last month, we've gotten closer to our goal than in the past 10 months combined with the other clinic.  Such a relief to know she's on it, helping us figure things out and teaching us what we need to know.  It's amazing.  

Hubby has been fantastic.  He gave me a big teddy bear a long time ago when I was sick with the flu and broke it out again last night for me to snuggle with.  I have to admit, it helped me feel better.  

I get to take my big ol' bandages off in a bit and clean the wounds (anyone else HATE that word?).  We'll see if I faint or not.  Yes, I'm a fainter.  Not like the goats you hear about, but close enough.  I have a few days off of work so I'll do my best to post a little more often.  I'll have the time at least!  

Thank you to my blogger friends who've been so nice to me these past few days.  My family and friends really are the best in the biz and I'm so grateful for them.  Until next time....

Shannon

OH!  Almost forgot to share my funny story!  The doctor gave me valium to take the night before surgery so that I could get some rest and not stress out all night.  Apparently, it caused me to hallucinate a little bit because I woke up at one point and accused Rik of stealing my glow-in-the-dark book that was sending me secret messages.  I was dead serious about it too.  He wasn't getting away with that!  haha.  Crazy huh?  :)   I also called Dr. S "Lady Gaga" after I woke up in the OR post-op.  Silly medicine.....