Thought Vomit Thursday! Thanksgiving Style!!

Ok, it's Thanksgiving and it's Thursday which means luckily for you, I get to vomit thankfulness all over this place.  Now, in no particular order, here are a few things I'd like to offer thanks for:

• I'm thankful for feminine products.  Yep.  I said it.  Tampons, pads and panty liners.  Think of where we'd be without them?  Not your ideal situation to be in once a month is it?  
• I'm uber thankful for my family and all my nephews, nieces and god-children.  I mean those little rascals make me happier than you can imagine.  Just last night, I got a text from my niece that said, "I can't wait to see u tomorrow.  I love you so much!"  I mean really....no matter how bad your day is, reading that just makes it all better.  My mom has been super supportive since I told her about our situation and sent her the link to this blog.  She didn't know much about what was going on until recently.  I'm glad I have her support and her confidence.
• I'm beyond thankful for my husband and all that he does for me.  This man is one of those men that your friends don't believe in.  The kind that does TONS of housework without ever being asked to do it, sends flowers for no reason, brings me presents when I'm sick or sad, knows exactly how to cheer me up when I don't wanna smile, loves having a houseful of kids that aren't ours on a regular basis, cooks a steak like nobody's business, is gorgeous, tender hearted, sensitive to others and loves me even when I've lost my mind and have no idea which way is up.  He's pulled me back from a dark place on more than one occasion.  I love him with every ounce of my being.  I know how blessed I am.
• I'm thankful that I live in a country where I'm free to be who I want to be.  I am thankful I have a job that provides me with the money to pay bills, buy food any time I'm hungry, buy clothes to keep me warm and shoes to protect my feet.   Partly, because of where I live, I can have clean water, indoor plumbing, electricity and shelter.  I know not everyone in the US has these things, but because of where I was born, I have a better opportunity than some.
• I'm thankful for my health.  I know this IF business means I'm obviously not as healthy as I thought I was, but overall, I can't say I am UNhealthy.  My brother faced cancer seven years ago and went through hell for a long time while he fought that battle.  I've never had to face anything like that and I am so grateful for that.  I can see, hear, run, play, carry kids around on my shoulders and do so without pain or complication.  I have very little to complain about, although I do it so readily some days.
• I'm thankful for my friends.  My IRL (in real life) friends are amazing.  Supportive, hilarious, solid, dependable, trustworthy, loving and always a pillar of strength when I need it even when they are battling their own fight of kids, school, infertility, health issues, etc.  I've had the same best friend since tenth grade and another best friend since seventh.  Some of my "newer" friends I've had for a few years and because we've gone through a lot of the same things, it feels like so much longer.  I really am so appreciative of all my IRL friends...I just wish I saw them more.  :)
• I'm thankful for my blogger friends.  I know most of you have heard this ad nauseam but because of a lot of you ladies, I have gotten great advice, learned a thing or two that have helped me in my struggle and honestly, felt less alone than I have in years just by reading the posts you've posted about your IF journey.  Many of you have gone on to have little bundles of your own now or are in the process of that now.  It gives me hope.  Keeps me thinking this could work after all.  Because of you, I haven't given up yet.  :)  To those of you still on this crazy ride, hoping for your little baby boy or girl (or both), you have given me comfort and let me know these feelings I have most of the time aren't as insane as I sometimes think they are!  
• Last but not least, I'm thankful for living in a day and age when technology and medicine allows us to pursue something that we otherwise would not be able to pursue. Hopefully, next year we'll be able to show our gratitude for a healthy pregnancy or baby.

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving regardless of what you're doing.  If you're home alone, chilling out, enjoy it!  If you're with your family and friends today, have a blast.  I know we will!!!

Bursting with all kinds of vomitous appreciation,

Shannon

Thought Vomit Thursday! (All the cool kids are doing it)

Jumping right in....

• I know I should stop saying, "All the cool kids are doing it" in my post title, but it auto-populates and I don't want to take the time to undo it.  Although, by the time I'm done typing this sentence, I could have fixed it three times.  Oh well.
• I had an awesome visit with my dental hygienist today.  Well, at the dentist in general actually.  After our uber shocking (insert sarcasm) negative pregnancy test, I decided it was time to take care of some things I've been neglecting.  I was thinking this would help distract me.  So, I started with the important stuff.  Teeth.  They had a cancellation and were able to fit me in this morning at 9:15.  The lady at the front desk (who sounds like one of those actresses who is faking a southern accent because it's SOOOO strong) handed me a "new patient" form to complete b/c they have to get them updated once every couple of years and I was due.  She also handed me my old sheet for reference sake which I thought was awesome in case I forgot an allergy or a surgery date.  SO, I start filling it out and the first question under the medical section is, "ARE YOU PREGNANT?"  SO, I very deliberately checked NO.  Then a few questions later it asks, "What medications are you taking?"  I thought, "Crap, I need a bigger piece of paper for this!"...  So, I sighed and started filling it in.  Next question was "Why are you taking this medication?"  So, I snarled and wrote why: Infertility.  Then I thought I'd check my old sheet to see what the OLD Shannon was taking.  Naturally, "Birth Control".  My reason for Why?  "NO BABIES FOR US YET!"  Really, Shannon?  REALLY?  Such a friggin schmuck.  (does that apply? I never know what a schmuck really is, but I am sure it applies here!)  I checked the date on the old form.  January, 2009.  One month before we tossed those BC pills out.  Ugh.  So, I grumbled my way through the rest of the questions and waited my turn to be tortured  The hygienist finally calls me back and what's in her hand?  Yep, my new patient information sheet I just completed.  You can imagine what happens next, right?  Oh yes....it was awesome.  She read over my sheet, flipped it over to the GOOD stuff and then it began.....

Her: Well, since you might be pregnant, we won't do x-ray's today, but you are way past due for those.

Me: It's ok, I'm not pregnant.

Her: Well, you might be.

Me: No, I'm NOT.  I took a test yesterday, I'm NOT.

Her: Oh.  Ok.  (She moves some things around the tray and stands up)

Her: Yeah, I have two friends who tried and tried for years to get pregnant and they are both pregnant now thanks to all that stuff (and references my paper) and I am just SO excited for them!!!!!

Me: Yep.  That's very exciting.  (Insert every single ounce of "Oh my gosh, really lady?!" tone into your voice here)

Her: Yes, it really is.  I think one of them is due any day now, actually.

Me: Well, that's just fantastic!

Her: *Silently to herself but I heard it clear as day* Oh crap.....how am I going to clean her teeth when both of my hands are busy trying to pry both of my feet out of my mouth?

I seriously just wanted to crawl under the chair and cry or die or both.

• Since I decided to take care of some things that needed to be taken care of (with me), I made a list.  Wanna see it?  Good, here it is.  
• Dentist (CHECK)
• Hair Appt (tomorrow)
• Yearly Visit 
• Have my eyes checked
• Have my hearing checked (I have ringing in my ears lately)
• Massage
• Chiropractor
• My 3 year old niece wanted me to call her today on my way home.  So, I did and she was talking my head off about her pink Christmas tree she is going to put up in her bedroom here at my house and how she wants to spend the night with me "to-mario".  In the middle of one of my questions about her new tree, she said, "Bye" and I said, "You getting off the phone?" and she said, "Well, I am finished talking to you now.  Bye" and hung up.  I cracked up.  Silly girl.
• I have OCD about my fingernails.  They have to be the same length and shape.  My pointers have to match up, middles have to match up, etc., and I compare them several times a day.  More when I'm anxious.  You can imagine this gets a little bothersome and time-consuming since an infertile spends 90% of their time in some form of anxiety; however, my nails look fantastic.
• Funny story here, which I guess we should share with the rightful person....  I managed to hurt my own feelings.  Recently, I was able to get a little bit of new traffic thanks to Elizabeth at Many Many Moons and for that, I am SO thankful (really, THANK YOU E!).  Just you few new readers/friends have honestly made me feel so much LESS lonely on this journey through infertility.  Through her blog, I came across many new blogs and quickly began following most of the girls that I thought were just super funny and sarcastic (that would be you, dahling).  Somewhere along the way, or maybe she is how I found Elizabeth, I don't recall, but I came across Josey's blog, My Cheaper Version Of Therapy.  I immediately did what I always do when I find someone I really like and read up on her old blogs and laughed/cried my way through a lot of her story.  Like with all of you, I formed a little connection with Josey.  That's what this is about, right?  It's part of what is so awesome about blogging.  I've been following her and her soon-to-be-here "Rockstar" ever since.  Well, at some point about 2 weeks ago, I thought to myself, "Wow, Josey never comments on my blog anymore.  I hope I haven't done something to make her think I'm a jerk or anything."  I love my new friends, ya know?!  And so, as usual, I'd look forward to reading the comments I'd receive on my posts (I swear if I could, I would hoard those things, I love them that much) and wonder now and then if I should email her and ask her if I had commented something on her blog that was offensive or rude.  I mean, all of you show me love on a regular basis and I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe I had offended her specifically or something.  Then yesterday, I realized she doesn't even follow my blog and has never posted on it the FIRST TIME and that I'm an idiot for not realizing that sooner.  *sigh*  How ridiculous is this, really?!  I mean REALLY.  All I can do now is smile sheepishly and scuff my feet and say, "Aw shucks, I feel silly."  So that's that.  Dangit Josey! I thought we were friends! :) Being me is hard.
• So, we failed at our most recent attempt at having a baby.  Thank you to all of you who sent me sweet messages and emails showing your support.  It really means so much to me.  I don't know what we're going to do next.  I don't know if this is the end of our rope or not, but you know I'll keep you posted and maybe even ask for some advice in the near future.  Just please continue to pray and send positive thoughts our way and I'll be much obliged to do the same.
• One more thing I forgot to add earlier....In our team meeting today at work, our main manager was there talking about what happens when we don't service our customers the way we should.  She said, "We get sued, we lose our bar license, we lose our jobs, our children starve."  I just hung my head in shame.  I am the ONLY one left without kids of my own or at least one on the way.  Ugh.

Thought Vomit Thursday! (All the cool kids are doing it)

I saved up this week and may have gone a little overboad w/ the TVT, but oh well....Hope you feel like you got your money's worth.  I mean this comes around once per week right?  Let's do it.

• I had a stinky armpit today.  Singular.  I don't even know how that happens or why, but I had to approach people from my left side all day.  I'm sure they thought I was trying to be all sorts of languid and regal, but I was really just trying to save their nose hairs and my hygienic reputation.  
• I had a thought Tuesday.  Yes, just one.  I feel like LIFE is a stop light.  Sometimes, I'm sitting still, impatiently waiting for something to change so that I can tear off again, rushing towards my destination.  Other times, I feel like I'm slowing down or speeding up to make it to the next point in our journey, hoping I don't get stuck waiting again.  And then for what seems like just a little while, for a brief moment, I'm hammer down, pedal to the metal, full speed ahead hoping it's nothing but green lights as far as the eye can see.  All the stopping, going, waiting...It's interesting to think that a stop light is set up on the exact same timer all the time, day in, day out...gotta be boring for the stop light....which brings me to my next point....
• I form relationships with inanimate objects.  For whatever reason, I think they have feelings.  I feel guilt over leaving a piece of cereal in the bag when I'm tossing it away.  I've been known to dig a bag back out of the trash and remove a single mini-wheat all because I was wracked with guilt over how unwanted it must have felt.  I can't put a product back on the shelf at the grocery store if it's damaged because how would I feel if no one wanted me just because I'm a little banged up and slightly damaged goods?
• I told a dyslexic person I didn't care if they didn't like to read aloud today and that they needed to do it anyway before I remembered she is dyslexic and has a very hard time reading out loud, especially when she's nervous.  Doh!  I feel like such a jerk!  It's bothered me ALL DAY LONG.  I hate when I do insensitive things, even when it's accidental!  
• Why would anyone ever go into a fast food restaurant without their shoes?  We went into McDonnie's yesterday and there was a guy just standing there, sipping his super sized soft drink with no shoes on.  He remembered a hat, but not his shoes?  And I didn't get the vibe he didn't have any, just that he didn't want to take the time to put them on.  It was just gross.
• Blogger keeps taking away the photos I post on my blog even though they are MY photos.  Why is this happening?  I want you guys to see the pictures, that's why I post them!
• I found an email last night that my husband and I exchanged back in 2006.  It was a couple of days before I moved out to Colorado to live with him for six or so months and I hadn't seen him for weeks at that point.  They were the sweetest emails.  It's crazy to see where we are now and how far we've come in these past five years.  I love how much we still love each other.  Young love is so cute and I'm glad I saved those emails.
• Embarrassing situation - Rik knows the receptionist at our new RE's office.  He previously coached her son's select baseball team.  That donation drop-off for our next IUI is not going to be comfortable for my super proper, very private husband.  Say a prayer he doesn't trip on his way up to the counter.  
• We went through 8 or 9 bags of candy on Halloween.  Rik had to make an extra candy run and that was with us only giving each child ONE piece!  We had a ton of trick or treaters.  SO many, in fact, that we just sat with the door open, in a chair with the bowl on our laps to accommodate the steady stream of children, teens and yes, some adults (ridiculous!).  My favorite of the night was the little ninja who literally ninja'd his way across the yard to our doorstep by ducking and covering behind mailboxes, front-rolling behind trees and deer sprinting across our lawn to finish in grande style by leaping gingerly onto the porch, landing in a fighter's stance and saying, "Trick or treat!?" very threateningly.  I loved it that he took his costume THAT seriously....it was awesome!  Oh! and the little army men who army-crawled their way up our neighbor's hill were hysterical too.
• I'm wordy. 

Thought Vomit Thursday! (All the cool kids are doing it)

This is my first Thought Vomit Thursday....I hope I do it justice! 

• I took my belly button ring out for the first time in 13 years (for any extended period of time anyway) and am not sure I'll put it back in.  I've only left it in this long because it's so friggin weird when I look down at my stomach without it in.  Somehow, I've convinced myself that even though it's SOOOO 90's, it makes me look less pudgy in that area if I have jewelry sparkling back up at me.

• Men's leather jackets with the elastic waist bands are really the ugliest things I think I've ever seen on a man.  Especially the ones that look like they have shoulder pads in them.  If your hubby, father, brother or son wears one of these, please stop the madness.  Although it is an effective means of birth control.  Especially if paired with a mullet and a single gold chain.

• I'm pretty sure my husband feels like he is married to a geriatric.  Poor fella.  I have five prescription bottles on the nightstand and three more stashed in my purse.  Add to that the fact that he has to help me change my pants lately and viola!  I'm two steps away from an assisted living facility.

• Rik went back to work this morning and was dressed like a 1950's debonaire man of the night.  He looked gorgeous and all I could do was drool on myself through the lortab.  I think I managed to tell him I love him and mutter something about the tie he was wearing (I bought it for him recently).  It probably felt great for him to get out of the "House of Ill Repute" (I'm a trampy infertile, remember?) and be around healthy, uncut human beings.   

• My mom came over Tuesday night after my surgery and brought me a goodie package!  Six or seven smutty books (the kind that take no thought and turn your mind to mush), two pairs of UBER soft pj's, and two pairs of socks-one of which I refuse to take off even though it's been more than two days, they are that amazingly soft.  I'm pretty sure these socks have gotten me through the past three days.  So, note to you guys....buy Champion ankle socks with the arch support, it's like wearing little pieces of heaven on your footsies.

• I literally just broke up a dog fight between Baxter Bagwell and Chance.  Probably not good for my stitches and definitely not good for my three fingernails that are now bent backwards and bleeding.  grrrr.....  Can't we all just get along?

• I have a drinking problem.  Currently, I am working on a bottle of water, a cup of sweet tea, an IBC Cream Soda and a half empty mug of coffee.  I never finish anything, just keep adding to my stockpile.  I have no idea why I do this.  It's a very bizarre habit.

• My tummy is doing much better today.  No more bleeding and the swelling has gone down considerably.  The left side is still swollen since that's the side where the cyst was, but over all, it looks and feels much better. The incisions just itch now, which is good because that means it's healing!  Yay!  Now, let's hope this results in a seriously clean, comfy, posh environment for our little rascal to take up residence next month.  Maybe we are dealing with high maintenance sperm and eggs?  Maybe my 3 star uterus just wasn't going to cut it for them but now that we've remodeled and have the all inclusive 5 star resort (and spa) waiting for their arrival, they'll find it to their liking and stick around a while.  It's possible right?  Who wouldn't wanna stay at a place like......Paradise Womb....or The Isle of Conception?  Yeah...hmm....well, we'll work on the name.

Ok, that's all I've got for now.  Hub just made me some cheese quesadillas so I'm going to get busy making them history.  

Till next time,

Shannon