Thursday, November 17, 2011

Thought Vomit Thursday! (All the cool kids are doing it)

Jumping right in....

  • I know I should stop saying, "All the cool kids are doing it" in my post title, but it auto-populates and I don't want to take the time to undo it.  Although, by the time I'm done typing this sentence, I could have fixed it three times.  Oh well.
  • I had an awesome visit with my dental hygienist today.  Well, at the dentist in general actually.  After our uber shocking (insert sarcasm) negative pregnancy test, I decided it was time to take care of some things I've been neglecting.  I was thinking this would help distract me.  So, I started with the important stuff.  Teeth.  They had a cancellation and were able to fit me in this morning at 9:15.  The lady at the front desk (who sounds like one of those actresses who is faking a southern accent because it's SOOOO strong) handed me a "new patient" form to complete b/c they have to get them updated once every couple of years and I was due.  She also handed me my old sheet for reference sake which I thought was awesome in case I forgot an allergy or a surgery date.  SO, I start filling it out and the first question under the medical section is, "ARE YOU PREGNANT?"  SO, I very deliberately checked NO.  Then a few questions later it asks, "What medications are you taking?"  I thought, "Crap, I need a bigger piece of paper for this!"...  So, I sighed and started filling it in.  Next question was "Why are you taking this medication?"  So, I snarled and wrote why: Infertility.  Then I thought I'd check my old sheet to see what the OLD Shannon was taking.  Naturally, "Birth Control".  My reason for Why?  "NO BABIES FOR US YET!"  Really, Shannon?  REALLY?  Such a friggin schmuck.  (does that apply? I never know what a schmuck really is, but I am sure it applies here!)  I checked the date on the old form.  January, 2009.  One month before we tossed those BC pills out.  Ugh.  So, I grumbled my way through the rest of the questions and waited my turn to be tortured  The hygienist finally calls me back and what's in her hand?  Yep, my new patient information sheet I just completed.  You can imagine what happens next, right?  Oh was awesome.  She read over my sheet, flipped it over to the GOOD stuff and then it began.....
Her: Well, since you might be pregnant, we won't do x-ray's today, but you are way past due for those.
Me: It's ok, I'm not pregnant.
Her: Well, you might be.
Me: No, I'm NOT.  I took a test yesterday, I'm NOT.
Her: Oh.  Ok.  (She moves some things around the tray and stands up)
Her: Yeah, I have two friends who tried and tried for years to get pregnant and they are both pregnant now thanks to all that stuff (and references my paper) and I am just SO excited for them!!!!!
Me: Yep.  That's very exciting.  (Insert every single ounce of "Oh my gosh, really lady?!" tone into your voice here)
Her: Yes, it really is.  I think one of them is due any day now, actually.
Me: Well, that's just fantastic!
Her: *Silently to herself but I heard it clear as day* Oh am I going to clean her teeth when both of my hands are busy trying to pry both of my feet out of my mouth?
I seriously just wanted to crawl under the chair and cry or die or both.
  • Since I decided to take care of some things that needed to be taken care of (with me), I made a list.  Wanna see it?  Good, here it is.  
    • Dentist (CHECK)
    • Hair Appt (tomorrow)
    • Yearly Visit 
    • Have my eyes checked
    • Have my hearing checked (I have ringing in my ears lately)
    • Massage
    • Chiropractor
  • My 3 year old niece wanted me to call her today on my way home.  So, I did and she was talking my head off about her pink Christmas tree she is going to put up in her bedroom here at my house and how she wants to spend the night with me "to-mario".  In the middle of one of my questions about her new tree, she said, "Bye" and I said, "You getting off the phone?" and she said, "Well, I am finished talking to you now.  Bye" and hung up.  I cracked up.  Silly girl.
  • I have OCD about my fingernails.  They have to be the same length and shape.  My pointers have to match up, middles have to match up, etc., and I compare them several times a day.  More when I'm anxious.  You can imagine this gets a little bothersome and time-consuming since an infertile spends 90% of their time in some form of anxiety; however, my nails look fantastic.
  • Funny story here, which I guess we should share with the rightful person....  I managed to hurt my own feelings.  Recently, I was able to get a little bit of new traffic thanks to Elizabeth at Many Many Moons and for that, I am SO thankful (really, THANK YOU E!).  Just you few new readers/friends have honestly made me feel so much LESS lonely on this journey through infertility.  Through her blog, I came across many new blogs and quickly began following most of the girls that I thought were just super funny and sarcastic (that would be you, dahling).  Somewhere along the way, or maybe she is how I found Elizabeth, I don't recall, but I came across Josey's blog, My Cheaper Version Of Therapy.  I immediately did what I always do when I find someone I really like and read up on her old blogs and laughed/cried my way through a lot of her story.  Like with all of you, I formed a little connection with Josey.  That's what this is about, right?  It's part of what is so awesome about blogging.  I've been following her and her soon-to-be-here "Rockstar" ever since.  Well, at some point about 2 weeks ago, I thought to myself, "Wow, Josey never comments on my blog anymore.  I hope I haven't done something to make her think I'm a jerk or anything."  I love my new friends, ya know?!  And so, as usual, I'd look forward to reading the comments I'd receive on my posts (I swear if I could, I would hoard those things, I love them that much) and wonder now and then if I should email her and ask her if I had commented something on her blog that was offensive or rude.  I mean, all of you show me love on a regular basis and I couldn't shake the feeling that maybe I had offended her specifically or something.  Then yesterday, I realized she doesn't even follow my blog and has never posted on it the FIRST TIME and that I'm an idiot for not realizing that sooner.  *sigh*  How ridiculous is this, really?!  I mean REALLY.  All I can do now is smile sheepishly and scuff my feet and say, "Aw shucks, I feel silly."  So that's that.  Dangit Josey! I thought we were friends! :) Being me is hard.
  • So, we failed at our most recent attempt at having a baby.  Thank you to all of you who sent me sweet messages and emails showing your support.  It really means so much to me.  I don't know what we're going to do next.  I don't know if this is the end of our rope or not, but you know I'll keep you posted and maybe even ask for some advice in the near future.  Just please continue to pray and send positive thoughts our way and I'll be much obliged to do the same.
  • One more thing I forgot to add earlier....In our team meeting today at work, our main manager was there talking about what happens when we don't service our customers the way we should.  She said, "We get sued, we lose our bar license, we lose our jobs, our children starve."  I just hung my head in shame.  I am the ONLY one left without kids of my own or at least one on the way.  Ugh.


  1. There should really be an extra freakin form at all medical offices, for peeps like us who are or have been on an INSANE amount of medication. Im always thinking who designed these forms???? The print is super small, there's no space to write anything, and for some reason when Im forced to write in teeny spaces like that, my handwriting tends to look like a 4 yr old wrote it. Good for you taking care of yourself! Seeing your list really makes me want to make a dentist appt, even the thought of going to the dentist makes me feel like putting my head in a gators mouth would be a better idea...

  2. I don't like that last bullet, but know that feeling
    as for that med list....oh boy when it comes during a treatment cycle..I have literally had MA's look at me, the paper, me and say, ummmmm I'll just give it to the MD. haha yea bc they know what it all is either?!?! not!
    Thinking about you and hear if you need me!

  3. You are so so welcome and please know that we enjoy following your blog as much as you enjoy following ours! New friends is definitely one of the best parts of the blog world and I'm so glad to have found you.

    I know that you're feeling super down, overwhelmed, deflated, etc. right now. There just isn't anything to say to make it better or I definitely would. Please just know that you can always vent and that have this great new world of people who really do understand and want great things for you. You are allowed to feel whatever in the heck you happen to be feeling in the moment and that's ok.

    BTW - The story about your niece reminded me of my brother (who is 24 now). Whenever he used to talk on the phone he would get to a certain point in the conversation that didn't interest him anymore and he would interrupt you and say, "I'm bored of this. Goodbye". Little shit. :)

    You're right, Josey is awesome and I know she will think you're awesome too!

  4. LOL, okay, I gotta admit I was a WEE bit confused by your comment on my blog yesterday. I follow a different girl named Shannon who also comments on my blog, and I had just assumed your comment was from her (hence my confusion when you said you'd posted b/c I knew she hadn't written anything about me yesterday). Now I feel like a total schmuck, b/c I really do make an effort to read the blogs of the people who take the time and make the effort to read mine and comment... and I'm just NOW realizing that you and Shannon are two different Shannons. Oops. :( Can you ever forgive me?! I mean, I didn't mean for you to hurt your own feelings. ;)

    At any rate, sorry to hear about your most recent IUI. That shitty feeling when you get a BFN never gets easier. :P

    -ps, you should set up a dummy email that forwards to your reg email if you get a chance. I tried to reply to your comment from my phone last night but it was a no-reply@blogger address, and for some reason it makes me inordinately sad when that happens and I can't personally respond to a comment!

  5. Well first off, now that Josey has found you, she will most certainly be a regular and loyal commenter, if there is one thing Josey can do, it is keep up with people's blogs regularly and give them love. But it is a wee bit hilarious that you thought she was mad at you and she was never a follower.
    Also - good for you for having so many things on your list of "taking care of yourself". I hope your massage is amazing! if not, you better get a second one and a third, as many as it takes to feel really relaxed and good.
    Last - my heart just hurts for you to have to deal with all these comments and situations surrounding children. I will definitely stay tuned to what comes next for you guys and keep my fingers crossed. The right hand pointer and middle finger, I am dedicating those two just for you.

  6. Oh, gosh. That is funny! I just had a similar feet-in-his-mouth acupuncturist experience, and a BFN for my first IVF. We have some things in common!

  7. Hi! Gave you a blog award today! :)

  8. I found you via Josey and am so glad that I did! I'm also going through this IF journey (in Atlanta!) and can't wait to catch up on all your posts.

    BTW, you should've bitten the dental assistant. Just saying :)

  9. I too found you from Josey's blog. I hope you don't EVER feel like you are alone in this crappy world of IF!! I am your newest follower and will be supporting you 110% all the way!

  10. I came through Josey's blog as well!! you are quite funny! lol. I have a little different story, b/c i never had to start treatments, but I tried for 10 months after the 35 weeks stillbirth of my first born to conceive my rainbow Ava. I came accross the IF community during that 10 months because we were just about to start clomid when i found out I was pregnant. I love and feel a connection to the IF community (as well as the baby loss community) and LOVE cheering ladies on as the get their BFPs and bring home their miracles!! I look forward to following your journey!