Tuesday, November 1, 2011

The Not-So-Hostile Take-Over - Hubby Style (again)

So, Rik's back with a brand new edition and honestly, he had it ready before the weekend last week but I had to post something from me before posting another one of his or else it would then be HIS blog and we just can't have that now can we?  So, here he is....again, rocking my socks off.


There probably isn’t a perfect way to feel about things, but there are some things I’ve felt throughout the process my wife and I are going through. Sometimes, the “observation deck” from which I’m watching everything is miles away from my wife’s observation deck, so much so that we end up seeing things from entirely different viewpoints. Other times, we’re standing shoulder to shoulder (well, my elbow to her shoulder).
Point being is that I don’t always feel the obvious things about all this.  Details, for example. I don’t typically dig to deeply into them.  “Oh, you’re having an IUI? Cool.” What I take this to mean is that there is a non-surgical procedure where the doctor will use a long skinny squirt bottle to shoot my boys up inside.  Shouldn’t take 2 minutes, right?
But I don’t think about the psychological effects.  Personally, I have no problem with getting assistance to put my fellas in the best spot possible to do their job (yob).  That doesn’t feel like a failure to me, or doesn’t make me feel like any less of a man.  It’s just one step in the process.  The ends justify the means.  And that could be where my wife and I end up looking at things from different observation decks.  The means are definitely important to her, especially since she’s the one that must endure said means. 
Cramping, bleeding, swelling, discomfort.  Naturally, I don’t want my wife to suffer those things.  But, since I don’t dig into details very often, I don’t always know all of these byproducts and side/after effects of having an IUI done on you.  Now that I know, I do feel a little differently about putting my wife through that.  Actually, after the trauma of the first one, and seeing how utterly miserable she was BEFORE the procedure, and then seeing the aftermath, literally made me state, “We’re not doing another IUI” to her.
Not doing another IUI.
That took a minute to sink in…for her.
She thought I had changed my mind about us trying to get pregnant through the fertility clinic.  She thought I was pulling up anchor and heading off to deeper seas to sail around for a while.  She thought we may never have kids together.  And all I meant, really, was that if the IUI process was going to be this emotionally and physically traumatic, then I cannot ask her to go through that again…but we’d find another way to achieve our goal.
I guess my “feelings” on this stuff is that if we have no better options, then we just have to go through with it – whatever that may be.  The endo surgery, for example.  I actually did a little research on that, but never real put myself in the shoes of having to go through it.  No, I didn’t like the idea of a probe going in through her belly button, but I never thought that she might not ever wake up from that (as mentioned in my last post).  It was just a step in the path along our way.  Just grab the ball, put your head down, run hard, and keep running until you reach the end zone (um, football analogy there – just kidding – I know you know it was a football analogy). You ignore the hits and the cracking of pads (bet you though maxi pads there, didn’t you? Stick with football just a minute longer) and keep fighting through the pain to make it to the goal. Period (um, not THAT period).
I do feel some anger, though.  Angry that it wasn’t easy.  Angry that it still isn’t easy.  Angry at that damn nurse at the other clinic that really and truly seemed to ruin everything.  Angry at seeing my wife become someone else’s science project…and sad about that, too, really.



  1. Hi Rik! Another great post :) What happened during the last IUI?? Usually IUI's are pretty simple with little to no side effects. I guess I could look back in her blog archive but I'm choosing to be lazy about it. I pray for you both that this road won't be long for you guys. That the the bus travelling through infertility hell will let you off at the next stop. That your next step will result in a baby. However, if the bus doesn't let you off soon, sadly the procedures just get more intense from here on out. There's always gonna be a different view of the "game" between a husband and wife. But as long as you are on the same team, rooting each other on, that's all that matters :)

  2. The first IUI was a disaster. My former clinic/nurse showed a serious lack of respect for our privacy/feelings. By the time the IUI even started, I was in tears, humiliated, embarrassed, etc. I hadn't really wanted to DO an IUI in the first place, but decided we should do a few before moving on to adoption just so we wouldn't always wonder "what if"...so, the aftermath, from an emotional standpoint, sucked. I couldn't stop thinking what a failure I was, how I had just put myself into the position to possibly get really hurt again (failed IUI, miscarriage, etc), and I think I just wasn't in a good place mentally/emotionally. Then you add the experience itself, the problem the doc had w/ my cervix, and the fiasco leading up to the procedure and you have what I will just call an emotional breakdown. OH, and the fact that Rik hadn't know what to expect at all so he was a withdrawn and sullen so I felt "alone" with my emotional baggage... haha. It was just a wreck. The second one was a piece of cake. Since then, things have been much easier so thank goodness we gave it another shot!!!! And changed doctors!!!!

  3. I can honestly say, before you mentioned it, Maxi Pads hadn't entered my mind whilst reading this little diddy.

  4. Wow, I can't believe the experience you had with #1. NOT okay. I'm glad it's gone more smoothly for you since then.

    Great post, Rik!