The past few weeks have been interesting....I've fallen back into a routine and somehow, a happiness that I guess only routine and normalcy can bring you. I have never really thought my success as a professional defined me as a person, but I realize now it must. I've been in the worst funk the past six months. Neurotic, depressed, sad, moody, grumpy, quiet (very out of the ordinary), and pretty much just all 'round FUNKY. I was questioning my intelligence even... as in, I'm not smart because I don't have a "real" job. It was really weird to realize all of this the other day.
I realized that I was whistling and singing while doing housework the other night and it struck me that I wasn't dumpy, or moody or sad. I was actually happy and all I was doing was putting away dishes. So, I started thinking about things I was feeling and realized that I felt USEFUL again. I felt like I was contributing to something again. Even though I was making really good money working at the restaurant, I wasn't looking at that job as "useful" or "REAL" for some reason. It's just as useful and real as any other job, but when you're 30, I guess bar tending isn't really what you're hoping you'll do forever. I'm still doing that a few days a week though, but only because I enjoy it.
I've been home for dinner lately, enjoyed some snuggle time on the couch with the hubby and gotten to sleep at a normal hour again...It's been good for me and I have to say that I'm glad I have the job I have and hopefully, I'll continue to feel GOOD again. I've missed this version of me. I like her so much more than I used to; I'm taking nothing for granted these days.
Oddly enough, I got this job on the day I announced to my husband that I was going to be getting myself together again...This was only after looking at several blogs I've come to love about adoption and more adoption and wondering if I should get back to work so that WE could possibly, one day adopt a baby in need... (((I highly recommend that you follow both of these blogs if you want to read about the process of adoption AND about the love of two mothers and two fathers and a LOT of brothers and sisters!))))
What does it ALL mean???? :) Do you believe in signs??? Oh, and guess how many internationally adopted kids I've seen in the past three days? Three. Hmmm......