Topsy Turvy Tumble Down The Rabbit Hole...

Alright, I've been missing in action for a while now because I was too upset really to write about anything that was going on in my life.  Don't you hate that?  Feeling sorry for yourself, loathing everything, wanting to give up and just stay in bed for weeks?  Well, I pulled myself out of THAT pretty quickly, but still couldn't bring myself to rehash all the wretched events that took place since my last (extremely excited) post.

Event #1- I lost my job.  The old one.  Right before I started the new one.  Six days before actually.  I had a boss that didn't like me, though I had done nothing to her to make her dislike me so.  I was being blamed for things I hadn't done wrong without me even knowing it was being put on my shoulders to management (upper).  She basically audited my emails and four days out of 28, I had used my email for personal use in excess of company tolerance.  This was DURING my interview process for the new job.  Never was it taken into consideration that I was also work 8-10 hours overtime each week and not taking lunches.  If you're at your desk 5 hours more than other people, you're going to have more emails...especially when your husband works with you and your coordinating when to pick up, drop off, meet for breakfast break, etc.  I've NEVER felt so betrayed in my entire life.  They could have let me take the new job, but chose not to.  They could have even put me on a performance evaluation for 90 days out but didn't.  The dept was going through layoffs and I've been told since I was let go that management was told to eliminate jobs, didn't matter how.  That way, no severance.  I have NEVER thought people could actually BE this callous.  I worked myself crazy at that job.  LONG hours, volunteering for every project team, developing ideas to make the area more efficient, calling customers on my days OFF from my cell phone to help them resolve an issue just because....and they do that to me?  There were people there BEGGING to be laid off....telling customers they hated their jobs and nothing was done about it.  A manager was accused of sexual harassment and WARNED two weeks before I was let go....yet I get fired for emailing too much four days out of twenty eight.....seriously?  Needless to say, it broke my heart.  I had been OVER THE MOON about my new job.  I had made it through a few rounds of interviews and stiff competition to take that job and to have it yanked out from under me like that was about as big of a blow to my self esteem as I could take.  Deflated is NOT the word.  It still can make me cry to think of it.....How cruel can some people be???  Very.  VERY cruel apparently.  But all I can do is pray for them and hope they can sleep at night knowing how they treated me...and a few others.   I really loved working for Unum and I hate it that these people have taken that from me when I was a good employee and someone who was willing to help anyone else there.

Event #2-I interviewed, tested for, was offered and accepted a new job.....Then the CEO of the company lost his marbles and accused me of not calling him back for several days, leaving me messages that did not exist and confusing his days of when I accepted the job....he actually accused me of blowing him off for three days when I had just accepted the job less than 24 hours before!!!  He claimed I wasn't committed to the job and I hadn't even started yet!!!  So needless to say, that didn't end up working out.  I had no desire to get right back into working for someone who was going to mistreat me as an employee or be completely incompetent and hateful for no reason.  It's like the twilight zone.

So....I've decided that maybe God is trying to tell me something and I'm just not getting the picture.  I'm still reallllly hoping for this lesson to pop up and get my attention.  I mean, it's been one of those years that I just want to start over.  Mulligan please??  I don't think I've felt this insecure since high school.  It's like being bullied all over again but in this case, it's messing with my livelihood, not just my self esteem!

I'm entertaining the idea of going back to school....I just have no idea what I wanna be when I grow up.  This all started on my 30th birthday.  Clearly, 30 is NOT my year.

Till next time, keep me in your thoughts!

Shannon