Infertility Survey - New spin on the old "Get To Know Your Friends" Survey

1. Name of the future mommy to be?: Shannon

2. Name of the future daddy to be?: Rik

3. How long has the future parents been together/married?: 6 years together, 3 years married next week.

4. When did you start trying to conceive?: February 2009

5. What is the hardest part of T.T.C?:  The emotional rollercoaster ride. Hoping, hoping, hoping and then failing month after month.  Dealing with people asking us when we're going to have kids ALL the time.  People telling me to "relax" when I know all the relaxing in the world won't help.

6. What does the future mommy want to have?:  A healthy baby to hold, snuggle, love and raise.  

7. What does the future daddy want to have?: He just said he doesn't care at this point, he just wants a child.  

8. Is there a certain month or season you’d like to have the baby in?: I used to think winter so I wouldn't be hugely pregnant during the summer, but at this point, I'd be pregnant through three summers if that's what it took.  :)

9. What are you looking forward to most when you finally conceive? Seeing my husbands face when he meets our baby for the first time, little hands, little feet, knowing we're a family, snuggling and playing, tickle fights, vacations, all the firsts that come with having a baby, loving him/her,  being someone's everything just because, diaper booty, toddler giggles... everything. 

10. What has been the best thing about the T.T.C. process? overcoming my fears, knowing I have so much support from my husband, improved communication in our marriage, learning and appreciating what a miracle having a child really is.

11. Pick out any names yet, for when the big day comes?:  Boy names are easy but girl names are always hard for me.  We have a few narrowed down and we talk about this quite a bit.  We are always throwing out possibilities.

12. Any certain reason for choosing those names? With a last name like ours, it's been tough finding names that go with it.  Our boys middle name will be the same as Rik's best friend.  

13. Do you know what T.T.C. stands for?: Telephone The Chinese?  Duh...

14. What things do you do to check for when your fertile?: Pay attention to my body, Ovulation Predictor Kits, and on treatment months, scans and trigger shots take the guesswork out of it.

15.Do you use Ovulation Tests? Yep.  Some months we do. 

16. What does the future daddy do to help you with T.T.C. process: My husband is amazing.  He goes to every appointment with me.  He brings his own list of questions to the appointments, he researches things, is incredibly supportive and protective and honestly, I could never have made it through this without his love and support.  He truly is amazing.  We've had our downs like anyone else, but he has put his own disappointment aside so many times just to help me through mine.  I owe my sanity to him at this point.

17. How long do you plan on continuing the T.T.C process?: Originally, one more IUI but now that I've had surgery and a new RE backing us up, we may give it a few more tries.  The others were futile attempts, these next few wouldn't be in our opinion.  

18. Will you consider In-Vitro or any other type of Infertility medicine?: I do not believe we'll go through IVF.  We'll try it all up to that point and mostly have already, but we won't spend that kind of money on a "maybe".  We'll spend it on a sure thing and start the adoption process.  I'd be just as happy mothering an orphan and making a difference in their lives as I would be having my own.  I'll be sad not to experience pregnancy, but thrilled to be a mommy.  If this doesn't work, I'll have no "what if's" and I'll be ok with moving on.  We would have given it a good shot.

19. Have you had your pre-conceiving physical?: Yes.

20.How many children would you like to have?: Two or three.  Either naturally or via adoption.  That's still unchanged.

21.Have you started buying some baby stuff?: When I first found out I was pregnant in 2009, I bought a picture frame that was not only the colors I wanted to do a nursery in but also vintage baseball themed.  That's always been how I want to decorate my little boy's nursery.

22.Any books that you’ve read that have been helpful?: A Few Good Eggs for me, How To Make Love To A Plastic Cup & Daddy's Pregnant Too for Rik.

23.Is your family and friends supportive of deciding to T.T.C.?: Yes, very supportive.  I haven't told that many family members about our journey, but I've told several friends who have gone through this themselves or people I just really trust and rely on.  It's been invaluable having them around during the hard times.

24. Have you made any BIG changes in your life to help you conceive? We've cut back on our spending, tried to reduce the stress in our lives, I've cut back on the social drinking and we've eliminated vacations and things that aren't mandatory so that we could save money.  

25.Have you abstained from alcohol and drugs? I've never been a drug user but have almost eliminated drinking from my life entirely.  On occasion I'll have a glass of wine, but that's about it.

26.So if you unfortunately do not conceive, then what?: Adoption, all the way.

27.Are you healthy enough to be pregnant?: Depends on your definition.  I'm in good shape, healthy...but obviously something is wrong since we aren't conceiving.

28.Do you really think your ready to be a parent?: Without a doubt in my mind.  I have 9 nieces, nephews and god-children.  Tons of love to give and I think I'd be good at it.  As for Rik, he's going to make the most amazing Daddy and some kiddo is going to be insanely lucky to have him as their father.

29.Any advice for other woman out there T.T.C.?: Educate yourself.  Learn as much as you can about the process regardless of what it is.  If your doctor tells you something, ask questions until you understand completely. Make your own recommendations and don't settle for anything until you're satisfied.  Find a support group or develop your own support system.  I can't stress how important this is.  Pray.  Be considerate of your spouse and his/her feelings.  They are T.T.C as well.

Thank you to my new blogger friend, M for sharing this survey with us.  Check out her answers!  It's crazy how similar our answers to these questions are.  :)  I had to try and change mine up a little so it didn't sound like I plagiarized! 

This Must Be What Jesus Felt Like....

Tess, Baxter Bagwell and Chance

Surrounded by trusting, adoring and concerned faces.  My flock is tending me, instead of me tending my flock.  Still, opening my eyes to three furry faces ready for just a touch of my hand made me feel pretty awesome this morning.  I love my dogs.

I'm recovering on the couch today.  My surgery was yesterday and although I was a nervous wreck, I was still pretty excited to find out the results.  I had a laparoscopy and a hysteroscopy, both for diagnostic reasons.  I went in dreading a few things (catheter and IV) but also looking forward to waking up and having several things checked or marked off our "reasons we're infertile" list.  I wasn't disappointed.

I had moderate endometriosis.  Dr. S said it's classed as either mild, moderate or severe.  Strangely enough, I was thrilled that I'm not severe or mild for two very different reasons.  If it was just mild endo, it may not have been a contributing factor of our infertility and honestly, I wanted and needed it to be a contributing factor so we could get it fixed and I'd have more hope.  I know that sounds bananas, but hey....I am a little bananas at this point.  If the endo had been severe, it may have meant we were stuck in a situation that wasn't easily worked around and well, you get the point.  It wouldn't have been good on any level.

With mine being a moderate case, I feel good about it because Dr. S was able to clean everything out and she feels positive about it being a big cause of our problems.   It may not be the only problem, but it's a good possibility.  She said it will definitely help w/ the pain I've had during my period and getting it all cleaned up could help us in the conception department as well.  She said I'm in tip-top shape right now so the conditions for conceiving are pretty perfect.  That made my heart sing...very off key, but I sang nonetheless.  

I also had a cyst on my left ovary that she was able to remove and cauterize the area to prevent it from coming back.  I don't know how my former RE missed this, but somehow, he did.  Have I mentioned how happy I am that we switched to a new RE?  Have I mentioned how disenchanted I was with my former clinic?  Yes, yes I have.  If you missed it, click here.  

Dr. S called today to ask how I was feeling and to check in.  We had a pretty bad scare last night because my bladder wouldn't "wake up" and I was about to burst.  Imagine how you feel after a really long ride in a car when you were younger and your dad wouldn't stop because he told you to go before you left.  Yeah, that was what I felt and could do nothing about it.  

The on-call doctor from the clinic told me I needed to go to the ER and have them catheterize me and drain my bladder.   That is seriously my BIGGEST fear.  Seriously.  It sounds barbaric to me. Being cathetered (is that a word?) while completely awake.  I shudder now just thinking about it.  Anyway, I bargained my way into trying again after thirty minutes and I must have scared my bladder to death because I was able to pee a little bit.  Then nothing.  So, Rik decided it was time to go to the hospital.  I may or may not have pitched an absolute fit complete with crying, throwing things and stomping my way out the door.  If I could have laid down easily and kicked my feet (without assistance), I would have.

We were about 20 minutes into the drive when I finally told Rik I had to try again at the next station b/c I felt like I was about to die I had to go so badly.  He stopped and I dragged myself in and had what I would consider a success.  It was good enough for us, so we came back home to continue pep-talking my bladder into cooperating.  It worked.  Thank the Lord!

Boy, did I just go off on a tangent or what?  Where was I?  Oh!  Dr. S called....

She was glad to hear I was up moving around with ease, glad my bladder was cooperating, glad she was able to clean everything up and overall, just a very glad doctor.  I really love her and I am so thankful God led us to her door.  I feel like in the last month, we've gotten closer to our goal than in the past 10 months combined with the other clinic.  Such a relief to know she's on it, helping us figure things out and teaching us what we need to know.  It's amazing.  

Hubby has been fantastic.  He gave me a big teddy bear a long time ago when I was sick with the flu and broke it out again last night for me to snuggle with.  I have to admit, it helped me feel better.  

I get to take my big ol' bandages off in a bit and clean the wounds (anyone else HATE that word?).  We'll see if I faint or not.  Yes, I'm a fainter.  Not like the goats you hear about, but close enough.  I have a few days off of work so I'll do my best to post a little more often.  I'll have the time at least!  

Thank you to my blogger friends who've been so nice to me these past few days.  My family and friends really are the best in the biz and I'm so grateful for them.  Until next time....

Shannon

OH!  Almost forgot to share my funny story!  The doctor gave me valium to take the night before surgery so that I could get some rest and not stress out all night.  Apparently, it caused me to hallucinate a little bit because I woke up at one point and accused Rik of stealing my glow-in-the-dark book that was sending me secret messages.  I was dead serious about it too.  He wasn't getting away with that!  haha.  Crazy huh?  :)   I also called Dr. S "Lady Gaga" after I woke up in the OR post-op.  Silly medicine.....

I knew I was pale, but low Vitamin D?!

So, we went to our new RE appointment last week.  It was fantastic.  It wasn't a mood-lit, privately situated waiting room, with a cozy feel kind of clinic like our last one...but I felt in better hands.  The office we met in wasn't posh.  It wasn't even fully (or comfortably) furnished.  It was bright, white, clean, sterile, serious, functional and there in the middle of the bare desk was our new client package we filled out the weekend before our appointment.  Complete with notes scribbled all over it, things highlighted, you get the point...

It felt like a CLINIC.  Not a spa.  If that's one thing I've learned in this, it's that it doesn't matter what a place looks like, how much they are blowing on tv's for the rooms, how cozy the waiting area is...what matters is that the doctors get to KNOW us, have their eyes on the prize and treat us with respect.  Now, let's be clear here-we didn't select our previous clinic for it's luxury or it's ultra-cool equipment.  We had TWO to choose from and we had a 50/50 chance of finding the right clinic for us.  And let's be honest, we felt pretty good about them at first too.  I'm not claiming this is the alpha and the omega of clinics.  I just felt secure.

The differences so far?  Dr. S (new doc) educated us.  Without having to be asked to do so.  She talked to us about miscarriages, about egg quality and ovarian reserve, about % of success with each type of treatment, she gave us charts and graphs, she asked us for information, listened carefully and then ruled out several treatment options because they won't increase our chances of conception more than a percent or two.  She suggested doing some tests (we were so glad about this) to try and figure out why we aren't getting pregnant instead of just throwing us into the same pool they throw every other couple into when they join the clinic.  She took five tubes of blood!  She asked if we could do an ultrasound at the beginning of my cycle.  These things were highlights of my week!  Sad huh?  I was just so happy that she was planning to dig in to find our problem (if possible).

Based on some of my responses to Dr. S's questions, she decided it's possible that I have endometriosis.  I am NOT thrilled with this.  My OB/GYN had very casually thrown out this idea a few years ago, but I have never felt that exploratory surgery was justified by a few crampy days per month.  Apparently, it's more than that and if this could help, I'm all for it.  So that's coming up very soon.  Soon as in, probably next Monday.  Eek.  I get really nervous about this type of thing.  I am not a good patient, poor Rik.  It's not that I am whiney exactly, it's just that if it hurts, well....I say it hurts.  Several times.  Ok.  Fine.  Maybe just a tad bit whiney...

I called today and left a message for the results of my blood work and it turns out everything came back "positive" except that I have low Vitamin D.  What's sad is that I had just gotten back from spending a LOT of time in the sun so can you imagine how low it was before vacation?  Sheesh!  I'm not sure what all they tested me for but since they were already closed for the day when I got their message, I guess I'll have to call them tomorrow.  It was nice to get a call back within 45 minutes.  Our last clinic never called back before 6:30 or 7:00 pm and usually, at that point, the nurse was a terrible grump!

So, we're happy.  Feeling positive.  Hoping for some good results in the near future.  If we can't get good results with this clinic's help....on to adoption we go.  I will update you as soon as I have more info to share.  In the meantime, I'll leave you with a pretty picture my hubby took.  I just love it.

One Potato, Two Potato, Three Potato, Four!

I've been up since 7:00 this morning and for those of you that know me, you know how weird this is.  I'm a sleeper!  Nonetheless, here I am, two hours later having my coffee and writing out this post.  It feels kind of good to know I have the whole day ahead of me.

I'm gearing up for a great weekend with a few of my best buddies in the whole world.  My nieces and nephew (only one this weekend since one has other plans - ah...getting older and too cool for his aunt these days and one isn't ready to spend the night yet) are coming over and we're going to have some serious fun.  Allow me to introduce, four of the funniest people on the planet:

This is Rea.  She is 3 yrs old and although she doesn't look the picture of hilarity here, don't be deceived, the kid will have you rolling on the ground in no time.  Between the curls, the cheeks, the big brown eyes and long eyelashes, I don't stand a chance (nor do you).  I LOVE this beautiful girl.

Case in point.  I sat her here so I could get a picture of these stools on sale to send to my hubby.  I said, "Wow....these stools are on sale, Rea!" and this was her reaction.  No prompting, no staging.  She's just a goofball at the ripe ol' age of 3 1/2.   Did I mention that her Mom is pretty much the funniest person I've ever met though?  She really does come by it honestly in that household.  

The girl has an 11 year old big sister.  What type of picture would it be if it didn't include a peace sign?  Hello!

This is one of my favorite pictures of Rea.  She is one of the most beautiful little girls I've ever seen and this picture captures such a sweet moment we were having.  The lights were all out but one lamp, we were reading her books and relaxing on the couch trying to gear down and get ready for bed.  Usually, she throws out a funny face or a wacky smile, or a peace sign when she sees the camera...but this evening, she just gave me that little half grin.  Melts.my.heart.

See?  Peace sign.  This is Owen.  One of Rea's big brothers.  This photo was a couple of years back, but I love it because it's right when he started figuring out what his "style" was gonna be.  He's somewhat bashful but like Rea, he has the longest eyelashes EVER, beautiful big brown eyes, curls and the girls are going to eat him up (more so than they already do) in high school.  He's pretty freakin' awesome.  He laughs A LOT which I adore.  My favorite sound in the world?  Owen's laugh when he was a toddler.  Awesome doesn't even begin to describe it.

This was from my cell phone, but you can still see those eyelashes.  Owen is our competitor.  It doesn't matter if it's running, having big leg muscles or being able to blink faster than everyone else....he wants to win.  It's really entertaining.  I'll try to get a video of us competing at something this weekend.  Rumor has it my mom is hosting a Wii tournament at her place... it's ON.  I love this boy so much.

 And here we have our diva.  This is Mallory.  She's 11 years old.  Sister to Owen and Rea (and Matt - Mr. Too Cool For Shae Shae's House).  Obviously, she is the performer.  In Kindergarten, her award at graduation was "Most Likely to Write, Produce and Star In Her Own Drama"....that says it all.  She is very smart, very hilarious, beautiful and a great big sister.  I remember when she was 3 years old and wanted no one in the world but me.  It had to be the best feeling in the world to mean so much to such a little person.  We're still best buddies and I love her so much.

Mallory again.  She is at that age now where she's getting taller and thinner it seems every time I see her. She hates having her picture taken lately (huge surprise there) because she's working on losing her molars and hates the way it looks in pictures.  Silly goose.  She's tried several sports and hasn't found her niche yet.  I'm holding out hope that it's running track, volleyball or dancing (like me).  She used to call tennis shoes her "faster shoes" and she swore they made her go really fast.  I think she was four then.

 ((Hopefully)) Kelsey Bug.  Kelsey is actually my adopted niece.  She belongs to my best friend and is Mallory's best friend.  I love that!  Kelsey is 10 years old, very athletic, very sweet and has the best manners of any kid I've ever met.  She's bright and has the most gorgeous green eyes.  When you get her and Mallory together, oh dear....be ready for your side to hurt.  They are hilarious.

She really should be a model.  I took her pictures last spring and they turned out amazing. I love having this kid over and can't wait to see her today.  Oh, and did I mention the kid was "born to dance"? No training, no practice, but the girl can get down!  :)  Photo op later possibly? hmm.....  I absolutely love and adore this big hearted little girl.

And here is where hysterical and hilarious meet and giggles abound.  Kelsey (L) and Mallory (R) attempting to rob everyone of their seriousness.  Yes, those are pantyhose on their heads.  It's a long story, but suffice it to say they were in the throes of a birthday party, cake was running through their veins and they'd had a bit of caffeine.  I still think I'll frame this one.

So, what do you think?  Will I have a good time this weekend?  I'm thinking, YES.  Between the three girls and Owen, I have a feeling that I'll have a ton of new pictures to post by tomorrow afternoon.  I cannot WAIT to see them and spend time with them.  I haven't seen my brother's kiddo's in a few weeks and I miss them very much.  Luckily, I saw Kelsey and her little brother, Madd Man this week.  I wish he'd spend the night, but I think we're still a year or so away from him staying away from his mama overnight with us. Not that I blame him though.  I'd spend all my time with her too if I could.  :)

An update is coming about our new RE, I just haven't had the time to post it or haven't really felt like talking about it...but I will say, we love her and we feel really good about the whole situation.  Now, I have to go upstairs and get the slumber party room ready.  Yay!!!!

`

This video spoke VOLUMES to my heart.

Please watch this....it's a 3 minute video that just might change your life.

RE Stands for Reproductive Endo!@#$!@#$%

No, really...it does.  Look it up in the dictionary.  That's where I found it anyway.

I have news.  I made an appointment with our new RE for next week!  I called, told the lady a little about our situation and she was incredibly sweet and talked to me for over 15 minutes.  I already feel better.  The funny thing is, I feel like we're cheating on our current RE.  It's like we have this clandestine meeting planned immediately before our appointment with our current RE to check my progesterone next week.  One appointment is at 10:00 (new clinic) and the other is at 11:45 (old clinic).  Maybe I should just ask the new doctor if they could do my bloodwork instead.  That way, I won't feel like an infertile tramp.

I'm excited though.  I feel like I have a little ray of sunshine peeking through the clouds after that phone call.  Yes, it is very easy to find the smallest reason to hope when dealing with an infertile tramp.  The new doctor even said they'd actually train Rik on how to give an injection (WOW!) instead of drawing an X on my butt cheek and telling him to make sure he doesn't snag the nerve that's right next to the X.  Who would have thunk it?  Sounds like my new doctor is a pretty smart lady.  Oh, and that's the other thing... my new doctor will be a chick.  I think I like that!  There's a 25% chance that she'll be hormonal at the same time I'm hormonal.  (Is that a little more sunshine I see?)

Ok, that's the news for now.  Rik said he isn't excited yet because he needs more time to enjoy his excitement over being done with our "old" RE.  He loves to savor the moment!  :)

MIA: One Year On The Mend

I've been gone from blogger land for a year.  Well, almost a year.  I'm sure all five of you darling followers missed me something terrible.  Right?  RIGHT?  Honestly, it doesn't feel that long, but it's definitely been that long.  Wow, what a year it has been....

I feel like I'm on the mend now and so I can write about it.  I am slowly, but surely gaining a little bit of the old me that I think I lost for a little while last year.  I'm definitely getting back my biting sarcasm and cobra-fast wit.  I've just had this sense of complete loss for so long, it's hard to imagine getting back to a normal state of mind.  If that's even possible.

I hate to say it, but I feel like I've had a bit of a pity party for myself these last 20 months or so.  On some levels, I really think I went a little crazy.  Not redrum crazy, but definitely "I don't care about anything" crazy.  Maybe I should have taken those meds the doctor offered me after all?

With that being said, I can definitively say that I am headed back towards the light.  I feel good about things again.  I see a little bit of promise in the little things and I am smart enough to know that it's completely out of my hands and all the things that are going a little better for me, are not due to anything that I've done.  God is good, even when (especially when) we're not deserving of it.

To update you on my situation, hubby and I are doing well.  No one ever said marriage was easy and if they did, they weren't married and they certainly weren't struggling through the world of infertility.  We've been working hard and keeping things together and it's paying off.  I see it every day.  We've been dealt a few bad cards the past two years or so, but we're doing our best to lift one another up and see this through.

(I said yes on purpose!)

We finally got pregnant, then lost the baby on my birthday, I lost my job, we lost my grandfather on my next birthday, had a few failed infertility treatments and somewhere along the way, I lost my sanity (in some ways).

The current stressor, I guess you could call it, is we cannot seem to succeed with another pregnancy.  We've had two failed IUI's, lots of meds and injections and countless problems with our RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) or his nurse, rather.

She's full of completely stupid comments or inconsiderations.  Like failing to call us and give us the results of our pregnancy test after the first IUI failed (we figured it out obviously), calling us to reschedule a mandatory appointment the night before we had to be there and then forgetting to call us with a new time until 20 minutes before the appointment time at 6:40 am, never answering my questions and giving me grief about being patient any time I ask for clarification on why I'm NOT getting pregnant!  The newest comment came this morning when we were informed they "missed" my ovulation period (I told her they were off on their day count, but what do I know?).  She actually said, "Leave it to you to cause some drama in here today".   Can you believe this woman?

Needless to say, we're transferring to a new RE and hoping for luck with one or two more IUI's.  Then, I suppose it's on to adoption.  This is totally fine with both of us and we may go ahead and just do both while we get the ball rolling on adoption.  I hate starting over with someone new, but I'm so sick of dealing with an incompetent nurse.  She has made some of the most inconsiderate and ignorant comments to us.  And then there are other things that just aren't jiving.  I feel like I'm on an assembly line and they are just using a template on all their clients.  I bet they wish we'd stop hurting their numbers and get pregnant already.... haha!  Oh the sweet taste of revenge...wait, what?  :)

Well, enough of that.  That's where we are.  I wish I could say that I was full of sparkles and rainbows flew out of my tushy, but I'm not and they don't....unless I eat skittles and starburst on the same day (which rarely, if ever happens).

Hopefully, in the near future, I'll have more positive and uplifting news to share with you.  Thank you to all of you for sticking around and reading this update.  I hope each of you are finding joy for yourself in some way or another, even if it's at the expense of others.  No!  Wait, I didn't mean that, honestly.  Or did I?  :)

Until next time....Solo Pronto!

**If you know us outside of cyberspace, please don't mention our infertility struggles on Twitter, Facebook or in any other personal capacity.  This topic is not common knowledge, but since I only have 5 followers and only 2 of you are close friends, I figure I can trust you all.**